Romance and the Feminist Lens
One of the huge discussions that consumed the romance community in the month of June was the feminist lens and whether romance is inherently empowering or feminist. The discussion particularly became intriguing and even prickly when addressing romances in which cis-women characters are taking on a submissive role in the heterosexual relationship to cis-men characters. The submission does not necessarily need to be a part of a dominant/submissive relationship, but in a woman character performing acts that center the man’s pleasure.
To me, feminism is approaching human equality with focus upon issues impacting women. Some romances in their portrayals of men and woman in relationships reinforce a patriarchal gaze. And I’ll be honest, I can’t fully disappear as a reader when I’m reading a romance that activates my PATRIARCHY feelers.
However, I also don’t think tradition is a dirty word. A woman finding her voice and choosing to express her sexuality in submissive or traditional ways isn’t a score one for the patriarchy. Not every expression of femininity is for men. Oftentimes, makeup and dresses are the woman’s choice for herself. And the choice of expression isn’t limited to appearance.
A huge swath of society especially expects women to hide their sexual desires. Therefore, I don’t think exploring sex acts that center a man’s pleasure are inherently not feminist, either. In my rom-com, Personal Best, I make it a point that my FMC, Saoirse, has submissive desires and other forms of play she wants to explore, but her husband doesn’t feel comfortable with fulfilling them. As she reconnects with her body post-divorce, she then gives the MMC, Beau, a plan to explore the sexual side of herself that has been neglected. Though she takes on a submissive role during their intimate moments, her being an active participant in planning and satisfying her desires, to me, makes her submissiveness an act of empowerment.
Now, it could be argued that under a patriarchal system, women only have the illusion of choice. I think that is a necessary element in this discussion and when approaching the lives of women and how they’re depicted in romance stories with a feminist lens. Knowledge is knowing the societal pressures that dictate a woman’s choice. Wisdom is being able to see the nuances differentiating support of the patriarchy from work to dismantle it. Sometimes, the line is defined by enthusiastic consent and participation. Other times, discussing the difference is best left for readers as intent and impact can be two separate things.
As a final note, it is my intention to always to tell feminist romances. My characters, no matter if they’re suburban cycling instructors or scaly assassin revolutionaries, strive for the equality of all. And I believe my stories of fighting for equality approach it from the woman’s lens. Even in Deus Ex Umbra with it primarily told from the Patron Saint’s point-of-view, a recurring motif is striving for a world where women are safe, heard, and believed. The book's world and characters' actions are not perfect. They can be scary sometimes, but Justice is always apart of my happily ever afters.
I’d also highly recommend this Youtube essay by Little Shop of Ali, which I think does a good job in discussing feminism and critiques of Sabrina Carpenter.
